fearing without knowledge

i am not a wise blogger nor am i a good blogger. i blog because it lets out my emotions, although because of recent situations, i fear blogging. I fear of actually letting out my emotions. You think it wouldn't matter for the lack of "followers". Not that many people even read this thing. So go ahead blog your heart out!
I wish it could be like this. i wish i could just let it all go. but my words do not come out as i wish. while just talkink my friends, i can't talk as well as i wish. my words seem to be meaningless. i think i actually fear the real world.
i fear ,constantly, of going to college. It makes me wonder if i should! I'm scared to death. I'm ready to get out of this stupid "bubble" my family lives in and go do things for myself. Do things that make me happy.
I hate the fact that my family here thinks i'm such a loser. i don't date. No, it's just that i don't get asked, unfortunately. And when i do, i hate the whole getting to know you thing. it drives me nuts that i have to explain myself and be on my "best" behavior for one night. truth is family down here: i'm not a complete loser. I have a life, it's not here though, you just refuse to see that.
 I hate the fact that i can't do absolutely anything here. i have no car, no job because the lack of a car. I have to ask constantly for rides places by friends. Who i'm sure get so annoyed but feel obligated to. I feel like a immature fifteen year old who asks their parents for rides everywhere because they aren't old enough to drive and can't do that much because they are only fifteen. Yes, that's how i feel here. I'm stuck. I'm seventeen and get treated like i'm immature irresponsible adolescent.

I fear of the present not the future. i fear of so much, i could go on for hours. But i am so excited for the future. Let me just get out of here.