Slap from Reality

Oh how I have been so wrong. I have twisted and mended things that shouldn't have been twisted up. I was so blinded. I not only took advantage but only saw through one little hole. I give my deepest apologize to my family. I feel absolutely terrible. After having a crying sesh with one of my dear sisters, I now see a little bit clearer. I feel so incredibly stupid and oblivious. I honestly never meant to direct any hurt towards my entire family. I don't have any issues with any one in my family. My father and I just need to keep working HARD at our communicating. I truly do Love my family! I will be the first to admit that I have not been the best at showing my love towards anyone. I have built a wall that has been blocking me from seeing anything. I have only let myself see the bad. I haven't allowed myself to appreciate what I have been given. I have been here for two years now and I feel as if I have taken full advantage of it. I haven't seen the big picture. Some people may think that I am just getting pulled down into a hole and being forced to feel like it is all my fault. But I have this feeling in my gut that this time and for the most part all the other times, it is my fault. I have let the past get in the way of the future. I haven't truly been thinking for myself. I have gotten Defensive way to fast and when I didn't need to be. I am so grateful that my sister stood up to me and told me to take a few steps back and look again. I know my apology is nothing but I really am sorry. I have cause such pain & Heart ache for everyone. I never realized how much one little thing towards just one person in the family can affect the Whole Family. I wish it wouldn't have taken me So long to figure this out. But I'm glad I finally got that slap in the face from reality and also my sister. (Not a literal physical slap)

I want everyone who reads this to know, I do love my family! They are my core and my life. Not only the ones here, but also my family in Utah. I love every single one of them!We are eternal.