i haven't really been up for writing anything worth while. instead i'd rather sleep. i hate not knowing what is going to happen or what i should do. i feel as if i'm stuck inside a massive black cloud. should i do this...or should i not because of this. i'd almost like to move and put it all behind me. but it would all just follow me. i feel sick. i feel weak. i feel like a fiasco. i hate trying to explain myself. for the first time in months i might actually fall asleep early. i don't want any sympathy. i want my life to unfold itself to me.